Why We Get Angry and How to Change It: A Somatic Approach to Parenting Stress

Why do we lose our temper, especially with the people we love most? 

In this conversation with Lucy Guzman, host of the Peaceful Moms Summit, Dr. Diane Poole Heller suggests it’s not just about the moment. 

The discussion offers a compassionate look at the hidden emotional drivers behind anger, particularly for overwhelmed parents navigating the daily push-pull of caregiving, exhaustion, and unmet needs.

Rather than shaming ourselves for snapping, Diane invites us to slow down and get curious. Anger, she reminds us, is often a secondary response, showing up when something more vulnerable, like fear or helplessness, is too hard to feel.

A key insight? Our bodies can know before we do. That pain between your shoulder blades? The flushed cheeks? The clenched jaw? These somatic signals are early indicators of a nervous system under pressure. Diane walks listeners through ways to recognize these physiological cues, work with them gently, and create new relational patterns—especially with our children.

She also explores:

• Why anger can make us feel powerful (and why that’s not always bad)
• How trauma shapes our default responses—and how healing reshapes them
• The difference between healthy assertion and destructive aggression
• Simple co-regulation tools to bring more ease into daily family life
• Why unmet needs are often the real culprit behind “explosive” moments—and how to make sure they’re on the radar

From journaling prompts to body awareness practices, this episode offers grounded strategies for breaking generational cycles, managing stress without shame, and moving from reactivity to repair.

Learning to work with our anger—rather than suppress or explode it—is one of the most loving gifts we can offer ourselves and our families.