How To Become Securely Attached

What does it really mean to be securely attached—and how can we nurture it in ourselves and others? In this video interview excerpt, Dr. Diane Poole Heller and Terry Real explore the foundation of secure attachment, reminding us that it isn’t something we have to invent—it’s already built into us.

Dr. Heller explains how secure attachment is biological, part of our nervous system, and strengthened through attunement, safety, and repair. She offers practical tools, from the power of a “beam gleam” across the room to the transformative act of repair after conflict. Terry Real emphasizes that trauma disrupts connection, and healing is about relational recovery—the return to authentic, regulating, human connection.

Listeners will come away with a hopeful reminder: secure attachment is innate, always available beneath the “crinkles” of life, and recoverable through small, consistent practices of presence and repair.