We can understand the consequences of a behavior, promise ourselves we’ll change, set stricter rules, remove the temptation, or gain greater insight—and still find ourselves returning to the same pattern.

Sometimes that pattern involves alcohol or drugs. It may also involve food, work, spending, sex, relationships, codependency, perfectionism, technology, or any other behavior that provides short-term relief while creating longer-term pain.

One reason these patterns can be so persistent is that the behavior may be serving a deeper function.

It may help regulate distress, avoid overwhelming emotions, create a temporary sense of control, bring relief from numbness, or substitute for forms of safety and connection that have historically been difficult to access. What causes harm today may have begun as an intelligent attempt to adapt to circumstances we could not otherwise control.

Rose’s approach invites a different kind of inquiry.

Alongside asking “How do I stop?” you’ll begin exploring questions such as:

“What has this behavior been trying to do for me?”

“What pain am I trying to soothe or escape?”

“What kind of connection am I searching for—or protecting myself from?”

“What might help me meet that need in a safer and more sustainable way?”

Understanding these conditions does not erase responsibility or minimize harmful consequences. It can make it possible to approach change with greater curiosity, compassion, and clarity.

Across the course, Rose maps recovery as a process of reconnection: developing a stronger relationship with yourself, creating safer connection with others, and finding meaning or belonging through community, spirituality, service, purpose, mindfulness, nature, or another relationship with something larger than yourself.